I cockslap morals
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
