It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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