Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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