you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
