Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
