some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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