I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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