I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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