I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
