he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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