She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
