ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
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I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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