Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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