I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
