So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
