I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
