Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
