I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
