Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
