Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
porn star boner night. come get it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
