when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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