WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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