You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
