So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
