Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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