I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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