I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
