no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize