So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
