still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
