Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So here I am, sexting at work.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
