Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
