I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
