Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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