JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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