When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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