genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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