she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Found the puke drawer
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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