I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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