Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
