yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
