I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
