Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
