Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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