Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
