i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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