I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
