how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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