and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
