sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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