i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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