Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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