if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
