the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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