we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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