Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
