I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
