wat bout pragnant strippers??
farters have to be the big spoon...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
