Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
