im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
