i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
