Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
