Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
