At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
