The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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