I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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